It’s a sad but true fact that after a certain age, a woman can no longer rely on tubes of self-tanner and pots of concealer to mold a sagging face etched with wrinkles into the supple visage preferred by men around the world. Though it’d be nice to live in a fantasy land where what’s on the inside really is what counts, you and I both know all too well that what counts is on the outside, namely on your face (and your body, too, but that’s a topic for a different post.)

If we were currently living 50 years ago the only option available to us women trying to stave off the power of gravity would be dermabrasion, a somewhat nasty procedure that involves sanding your skin down to achieve a smoother surface. The downside of treating your face like a piece of plywood is a lot of blood and irritation. Luckily in our modern age the options have expanded considerably and there are now several, non-surgical methods available to the ladies who refuse to take crow’s feet lying down.

Despite their being touted as “non-invasive,” many of these procedures involve invasive instruments like needles (shudder) and lots of local anesthesia. Going into the doctor’s office can be frightening if you don’t know what you’re in for. But, as usual, Mrs. X has got your back and is ready to give you the low down on anything you can pump into your face and call it younger.

The classic face smoother is Botox, created from the powerful botulism toxin. A doctor injects the Botox into voluntary face muscles, causing them to become paralyzed. Results last about 4 to 6 months, after which the patient must return for another fill up. Many women report great success with Botox, although the drug is not free of side effects. As with most poisons, the body develops a resistance to it, meaning that every time the patient returns to the doctor for a touch up, a higher dosage will be needed to achieve the same effect. Do not forget that Botox is a poison and may affect different women differently depending on application and physiology of the patient. The average cost of Botox varies depending on the dosage and the doctor, but usually hovers somewhere around $200 to $500 per injection.

In the wake of Botox have come several competitors claiming to use natural, non-toxic fluids for the same affect. Restylane is one of these, made of hyaluronic acid that is found naturally in the skin and joints. Like Botox, Restylane is applied with injections and should only be used for small areas. Trying to use the product on a wider canvas will result in lumps and a lumpy face is probably not what you’re going for when you pay nearly $600 per injection. Another product with the same procedure is Sculptra, which in my opinion, is the same product under a different name.

For women who want to attack a melting face with a wholesale approach rather than wrinkle by wrinkle, there are several ways to achieve a facelift effect without actually having to go under the knife. Unlike dermabrasion, laser resurfacing is gentler and causes a lot less blood loss. The laser gently strips away the outer layers of skin and reveals the younger looking skin below. It does however increase skin’s sensitivity to the sun and any woman who undergoes it should become best friends with the Coppertone baby posthaste. A dermabrasion will cost you about $2,000 to $4,000 (hey, nobody said smooth skin comes cheap).

Thread lifting is another interesting concept that has become common in the last few years. Performed in a doctor’s office with general anesthesia, a thread lift involves inserting barbed sutures under facial tissue to lift sagging skin without incisions. Lest you look like Frankenstein, the threads are comfortingly clear and invisible, though your face will be swollen and bruised for a few days after the procedure is performed. Thread lifting is only really effective on women with minimal signs of aging and it’s costly at $1,500 to $4,000

If you’re not hot on having barbed threads inserted into your nasal cavity, a ThermaCool Facelift might appeal to you. It utilizes radiofrequency to tighten facial muscles and promote collagen growth, which plumps the skin for a younger effect. It’s FDA approved, and does seem to reduce the appearance of wrinkles, though the long term effects are as of yet unknown. You might also try standing in front a microwave or a radio broadcasting tower if you don’t have the $4,000 needed to get you a seat in the doctor’s office.

Now before I sign off, I must say that in a lot of ways these mini-facelifts are rather barbaric. Think about it: injecting poison into the muscles, using barbs to hold up sagging skin, projecting lasers onto your face. What would Vlad the Impaler have given for access to these nifty inventions? It would be irresponsible to simply recommend them all without couching it in a personal opinion. Mrs. X firmly believes that you cannot pump your face full of poison and not having some lingering side effect a few years down the line. So the best thing you can do before signing up for one of these procedures is research into their side effects and the doctors who perform them. It’s ultimately your choice what you choose to have done and nobody should judge you for it. But before you start phoning up doctors looking for the lowest price in town, consider this: who are you really trying to please? If the answer isn’t yourself, you need a therapist for your self esteem issues, not a plastic surgeon for those naturally occurring wrinkles. In any case, the cost is about the same, but one may have better (and longer lasting) results than the other.

***Picture thanks to Plan 59***

This entry was posted on Monday, July 21st, 2008 at 5:29 pm and is filed under Who Doesn't Love a Makeover?. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.